I am going insane. I did try to sleep for an hour or so, but…yeah. Blah. I’ll post a letter I wrote to someone. It’s not that personal, but saves me the trouble of describing what I’m going through again.
“Uhh my head hurts. It’s 2am and here I sit again, unable to sleep. Dunno what it is with me lately. It’s like I go to bed, close my eyes… and my head starts filling up with stuff. With worries and stress about work, and with ideas and inspiration for new things. Just *stuff*. Buzzing in there, not letting me have peace. Sometimes it’s really unpleasant and I just feel angst and depression. Sometimes I’m so full of excitement I’d want it to be morning instantly so I could start doing things. Either way, I just lay there, with my throbbing head, unable to sleep. Sometimes I get up, deciding that it’s no good just laying there awake, that if I get up and do something until I feel sleepy, I’d be able to sleep again. Being up at 4am you feel like you’re so alone in the world. Isn’t that weird. It’s like everyone else has cracked the secret code and they’re floating away in their warm beds in their nice dreams. And there I am, in the dark and cold, alone. Hmm.
I suppose what I find most annoying about not being able to sleep is the fact that it sort of robs me of my favourite time. I really *am* a night person, and do enjoy staying up later and doing things. But when I know I have no choice, that even when I start feeling tired, there’s no point in trying to sleep… it just takes all the enjoyment out of nights.
Ughh. Rambling on a bit. I suppose I should go and try to sleep… although now that I’m on holiday I have no pressure of getting up early. Apart from the fact that I hate not seeing daylight… Oh well. Hope you’re dreaming nice dreams.”