Well, I went to take the Drink-o-Meter test because Jo Whiley told me to. Apparently I'm Chelsea Clinton (not sure if I'm pleased about that really), and have consumed 2106 drinks in my life and spent £8424 (€12 244) on them. With this money I could have bought 0.08 ferraris. So, I think it's safe to say I don't have a problem with alcohol (*glares* at certain people).

However, I'm extremely intrested to see how much money Miikka has spent on booze in his life. Dare you to go and find out. :D

Labels: surveys etc.

I have a complaint (again). It's not even 5pm and it's already dark. What's that about?

Wanna see my arty pic of the day?

Labels: my life

Ok, I know it might have looked like I was complaining about the snow... However, I never meant that I'd prefer water. It has been absolutely pissing it down *all* day. And today of all days as well, when I had to actually go out to the post office. I got soaked, and I didn't like it. Bring back the snow if you must, just stop the rain. Thank you.

(P.S. I know God reads my blog)

Labels: my life

Today has been a strange day. Two different people (not known by eachother) phoned me today and told me they've found a lump in their breast. The other one was still going in for more tests, the other is certain to have an operation. I don't know how to feel apart from scared. Scared for both of them and scared for myself. Feel very deflated. Sometimes life reminds us of its fragility in the most cruel ways. Hopefully both of them are going to be fine. Hopefully all that is left from this day will be a check on life's priorities. At the moment, hope is what's needed. Actually, the beardy bloke in the Matrix Reloaded did say one comprehensible thing: 'Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness'. Delusion or not, it's what gets people through times like these.

Talking about the Matrix, I had my first mail from a complete stranger yesterday, who was a bit upset about my harsh review of the film. I should apparently study Hinduism and the vedas. Well, in my opinion, a films ultimate purpose is to entertain. And if it fails to do that, because it's so wrapped up in its own self-importance, no amount of philosophy can save it. I should probably make it clear that I loved the first Matrix. I think it delivered the message brilliantly, whilst still remaining an utterly enjoyable experience.

And as far as my personal priority check goes, I found an old picture of Stu, I took about four years ago. I remember the day I took it and how happy I was. At that point in time I probably didn't even realise how trying times we would have to get through. But we've gotten through them together, and it's been one hell of a ride. And every day I love you more and more. And I am still as happy.

Labels: movies, my life

Gone a bit globulos. Lately I've been having this urge to bounce into people and I am constantly trying to figure out the best angles to knock them off, say, a train platform. I've managed to control myself so far, apart from when it comes to Stu. Sorry about all them bruises hun...

Today my feet are exceptionally cold. And I'm feeling really tired. I know this whole clocks going back thing was supposed to give me one more hour, but I feel the exact opposite. I think I'm gonna have to start going to bed earlier.

I've just learnt that, because of my wide pictures in the text, this page goes all arse over tit on small monitors. If this is a problem for you, get a bigger monitor.

Tonight I've seen the Matrix Reloaded for the third time. Unfortunately, with each viewing, it just keeps getting worse and worse. It might have something to do with a few too many rum & cokes, but this time the pseudo-babble was even more intolerable than before. And what about that rave in the cave. A rave. In a cave. For God's sake. The official K-pax panel (see below) granted it, after some heated debate I must add, 3 1/2 K-pax's. I'm pretty sure that in reality the half a point was docked only because of Trinity's shiny outfit.

If you're not familiar with the K-pax scoring system, you obviously haven't seen the unforgettable film it's based on. K-pax, the ultimate film in the 'a movie that manages to be amazingly dire, whilst pretending to be good'-genre. Ok, let's break it down.

1 K-pax - This movie might actually be quite good and entertaining. With only a slight whiff of K-pax at those awkward, 'what is the meaning of life?', bits.

2 K-pax - This movie seems alright up until the point when the alien turns out to be yet another squid thing that crawls under your skin. You know the type. A bit of K-pax.

3 K-pax - This movie might look shit, it could even be made for TV and have a cardboard set, but it's saved by (depending on panel member) boobs or Michael Madsen. Kinda K-pax.

4 K-pax - This movie was probably made with the best (pretentious) intentions. It might look slick, have cool fighting scenes and even an impressive, albeit over-acting, cast. But then... 'Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent... vis-à-vis... inexorably here... Ergo, those that refused the program... escalading probability of disaster...' *snore*. And the rave. In the cave. What a load of K-pax.

5 K-pax - Total K-pax. Now, this is a hard act to follow. So far the only film to score this high is, the grandaddy of K-pax score, K-pax itself. It's still in a class of it's own, with its utter pretentiousness, and a ridiculous script. And Kevin Spacey as an alien. Honestly!

I hope it's all become a bit more clear now. Altho, are you sure you didn't already know the answer, and if you did, how could you make a choice if the future is deterministically fated? It is a pickle, no doubt about it.

Labels: movies

Ok I think it's safe to say I was wrong. The summer is not coming. Damn.





Was comparing notes with Amy last night, which was interesting. It seems brothers with similar temper and moodiness tendencies have chosen very similar, quiet and enduring (oh yes) type, girlfriends. Go figure. I wonder if we could get Ian into notesharing we could build these observations into a proper scientific study. You did say you were a shy one as well, didn't you E? :D

Woke up listening to music this morning. Haven't done that for ages. Always used to listen to music on weekend mornings, should take up the habit again. If only Stu could stop walking back and forth and jibbering about stuff all through Feel. How comes some people just can't stay still?

Come on hold my hand, I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand, this role I've been given
I sit and talk to God, and He just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language, I don't understand

I just wanna feel, real love fill the home that I live in
Cause I got too much life, running thru my veins, going to waste
I don't wanna die, but I ain't keen on living either
Before I fall in love, I'm preparing to leave her

Scare myself to dead, that's why I keep on running
Before I've arrived, I can see myself coming
I just wanna feel real love fill the home that I live in
Cos I got too much life, running thru my veins going to waste
And I need to feel, real love in the life ever after, I can not get enough

I just wanna feel, real love fill the home that I live in
I got too much love, running thru my veins, to go to waste
I just wanna feel, real love in the life ever after
There's a hole in my soul, you can see it in my face, it's a real big place

Come on hold my hand, I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand, this role I've been given
Not sure I understand

Not sure I understand

Robbie Williams - Feel

Labels: my life

The funniest thing I've seen for a while was Stu's face, when he bit into what he thought was an innocent green olive. Of course, jalapeno is a very different word when written in finnish. Like, jalapeno.

Labels: my life

Congratulations to Johanna and Pasi who are going to be parents! The baby is due in May and I personally can't wait to take lots of pics of the growing bump (and the actual baby of course, when it's here). It's mad that you're going to be adult-parent-types, but sooo excellent! Love yous!

Labels: my life, people

Thanks to some 4am ball bouncing with Sean, I feel absolutely wiped out. (But I whupped your ass!!). Yes, I've found my new addiction and it comes in the form of little squidgy balls of pixels. If you want to have a game with me, do check out the globulos challenge at GlobZ. I go by the name of Itty. It's a nice place to have a relaxing game of croquet with a 15-year old kid from Manchester, who'll call you a 'slut' if you score few too many points. And for the English, it comes with the added benefit of lots of French people who's ass to kick. Just don't come crying back to me if you never get any sleep again. I should probably thank (blame) Mike for introducing me to this game (and if you all get addicted, you can do the same).

The outside temperature is currently 0.8C, which I personally hope means the summer is coming, as yesterday it was -0.4C.

Also, isn't Chris Moyles supposed to be on Breakfast Show already? Pleeease can it happen soon. Sorry if this offends someone, but I just can't stand Coxy. There, I've confessed.

Now, back to work. Well, at least to staring at the screen waiting for inspiration.

Labels: my life

I hate computers.

OH. MY. GOD. I woke up at half seven this morning and it was pitch black and -4C! Not liking this development at all. Admittedly I could still stay in bed unlike Stu who had to actually go, like, outside... Sorry dear.

I think my email is slowly coming back to life. I depend on two different providers, Demon in the UK for incoming mail and Sonera in Finland for outgoing mail, and both of them have been completely f*cked for the last couple of weeks. Which is nice. I'm definitely receiving more mail now though, judging by the amount of work that's been coming my way... Talking of work, I've been just laying out this feature about a project in Nottingham Prison called the Big Book Share, and wow, it's moving stuff. It's about prisoners being able to read children's books on tape for their kids. Doesn't really sound like much, but for the prisoners it's a huge thing to be able to interact with their children in this way and have influence over their developing years. V. touching, honestly.

Oh and I finally got the humidifier yesterday. It's exactly the same model as I had as a kid (cept that one was brown and this one white), which is strange. In some things there hasn't been much improvement in 20 years it seems. Also, the nice sales man told me that in Finland the recommended relative humidity of indoor air is between 30% to 45%, where as in England the humidity on average is over 70% all year round. No wonder we've had some trouble adjusting! Strange things.

Site-wise, have added some links. Will add more when I think of cool/fun ones.

Labels: my life

Umm I guess it's safe to say I haven't quite reached that 'profound' state yet...

But I've been working on something kewl! Check out the new 'Faces to names' section. It's a weird feeling to actually list all (well most at least) the people you know... I just thought it'd be a fun thing to have. Now if I mention names you'll be able to connect them to faces as well. If anyone's missing, it's because I don't have a decent pic of you, so send me one if you want to be included. Also, if anyone wants to be linked to somewhere, change their pic or be taken down (surely not...) let me know.

Labels: my life

Today we went to Jumbo to buy an air humidifier. Last winter (when they sold out because it was so cold for so long) I woke up every morning with nose so dry it bled. It was rather drastic moving from somewhere so humid, that you woke up every morning with damp sheets and walls, to somewhere where the central heating makes air so dry your hair is constantly pointing upwards from the static electricity. So, this year we have decided to be ahead of the game and get a humidifier. Of course we came back with shoelaces. This is somewhat a recurring pattern in our lives. Go out specifically to take a rental DVD back, come back with Pepsi and the aforementioned DVD. Don't worry though, for the serious stuff in life we heavily depend on notes.

Stu profusely objected to posing in front of Jumbo (what's with that huh?) so I had to use my cunning photomastering skills to recreate the situation.

Labels: my life

Bit of a slow start again. I'll probably move the stuff that I've unpacked off the dining table very soon... And go get some food shopping. And wash some clothes... Could be any time now, trust me.

In the meanwhile, I've seriously reduced the quality of all the pictures and photos. Now they all seem to fit on the server quite happily again. Somewhat temporary solution though I would think...

I'll write something profound over the weekend. Honest.

Labels: my life

Well, I'm back in Finland. It's not that bad really, nice and sunny and the nature is still colourful.

During today I'm gonna add a photo gallery on London. Having some problems with the connection at the moment, so it might take a while. I'm also running out of diskspace so I've taken the desktop pics down for now. If you for some reason want to use any of them, ask me to send them to you. I shall come up with a solution at some point.

Labels: my life

BA has given me 3,000 miles for my suffering. Woo hoo. Well, I only need 26,000 to fly one way to Finland. Somehow I don't think they understand the meaning of a 'mile' up there...

It's monday and I'm feeling very blaaah and don't have any idea what to write. Kinda want to go home now because I miss Stu, but also am dreading the coldness of Finland at the moment. It's been so lovely and warm here, I didn't even take a jacket to work today. Oh well, I'm sure I'll soon get used to it again.

Here, just for Stu, the current state of me.

Labels: my life

Oh god. Forgot how s l o w everything is with dial-up.
Well, rather an uneventful weekend. On saturday I went to Southend to do some shopping and to just kill time. The weather was lovely, really warm! Did manage to buy a couple of tops and (Stu look there's something funny happening behind you!) a lovely pair of red Sketchers. I know I'm not supposed to buy shoes, but I couldn't resist them. My first pair of red shoes since I was a kid. Besides, trainers are always practial wouldn't you agree...



In the evening I was ordered to sort out Stu's old crap (after logging a computer desk around the room from underneath wallpapering being done), which was still taking up half a closet (wonderfull skiving abilities dear, I must say, considering you haven't lived at home for years..). First I was rather excited hoping to find some dark secrets or photos of ex-girlfriends. However the more boxes full of old bank statements, courseworks and crumbled up notes with lists, like '1. Clean - everything, 2. Cricket whites, 3. Mail letter', I went through, I started to get a bit disillusioned. Managed to throw away three boxes of stuff and only had one tidy box of old school papers and such to take to the loft. Well done me.

Today I've done absolutely fuck-all. Had sunday roast, which was nice. Saw Nikki and Ian briefly and then came up here in the now bare-walled room (Stu's old room is being converted into Chris's) to try and download my email. As that is *still* going on. I'm thinking I might give up and read my mail from work.... Especially as the sun has now decided to shine straight into my eyes and I can't see what I'm typing.

Labels: my life

I put 'streaks' in my hair last night! The box said 'It's easy to do yourself! You can do it!', so I believed it. Well it took a bit longer than expected for something that easy... I was late for dinner, which resulted in the Shephard's Pie burning and setting off the fire alarm... let's just say I was not very popular. But I am quite pleased with my 'streaks', not that you actually notice them that much.

Oh and (don't tell me I'm slow) I found a black & white setting from my camera. Unfortunately I didn't have much to test it on. Still pleased though. (That I found it, not with my make-up-less mug.) Oh and see there are stripes! (And doesn't she scrub up well?)

Labels: hair, my life

Where should I start... perhaps from the start. To be ambitious, I'll even keep two timezones going.

So, yesterday I woke up at 5.15 (3.15 uk) after having slept for about three hours. It was pitch black and raining. When I got to the airport it was about 6.15 (4.15 uk). Queue to check-in wasn't that bad, I think the summer and tourist season is starting to be truly over. Got through safety checks and passport control quite swiftly and was at the gate around 6.45 (4.45 uk). At this point my mind usually starts to switch over to England and to work and all the stuff I have to do the minute I get to the office. Boarded the plane at 7.10 (5.10 uk), and got a nice isle cheat without anyone sitting in the middle, only a weird bloke at the window seat frantically writing in his notebook. Plane took off in time at 7.35 (5.35 uk) and I settled back with my magazine.

After some time in the air my ears started popping every ten seconds and it was starting to get really annoying. It was obvious that the plane was gaining and losing altitude all the time, going up and down again, up and and down again. Then the weird screeching noises started. Tried to ignore these as well as I could. After an hour in the air the captain came on and announced that they had a problem. The landing gear light was indicating the it wasn't going up properly and we would be returning to Helsinki. Lots of silent 'Oh shit's could be seen on people's faces. So we flew back to Helsinki, and in the half an hour leading up to the imminent landing the captain came on 5 times saying how everything was 'very likely to go well' and how he was 'fairly sure the landing will be normal'. Which was nice of him. Two hours after taking off we finally landed, 'fairly normally' and the captain informed us that an engineer will be coming to fix the problem. At this point the plane was full of very anxious people wanting to inform someone they wouldn't be making it to work/meeting/other appointments in time, but we were told not to use our mobiles as they were refuling the plane. At least we could watch business glass being served water and other refreshments, to make the time pass. I of course could feel smug as I had my own water bottle. The weird bloke at the window seat demanded to see the Captain as he was on a 'goverment project' and needed to be somewhere unpronouncable the following evening. 45 minutes later the water service was extended to everyone. At 11 (9 uk) the captain came back on to inform us the plane was un-serviceable, and we were to get off and would be booked on other flights.

So off we got and on to a queue which led to a nice woman informing me the next flight I could get on would leave at 13.50 (11.50 uk). After a bit of umming and ahhing if I should just go back home to sleep, I said yes, and got booked on that flight. I also got a food voucher for €13! Lucky me. Two hours of waiting followed.

My next flight was fully booked (gee, I wonder why) and the boarding finally started at 13.55 (11.55 uk), when the plane technically should have been in the air already. I got squeezed in with a couple, who were bickering all flight. And what a flight it was. The turbulance was so bad the had to stop serving lunch (a chicken roll to you) twice as none of the staff could walk without bumping into people. Somehow I managed to get through three of the most uncomfortable hours of my life (through the power of Cosmo), but what came next could put a person off flying for good. Remember when I mentioned the turbulance. Well, turbulance isn't *that* scary when you're up the in the air, just annoying. But when you're landing, it's a whole different ballgame. I'm not one to usually get scared whilst flying, but looking at the ground getting closer while the plane still seemed to be completely out of control, jerking from side to side, is something that made even me possibly let slip a few silent prayers. And the actual landing. One wheel hit the ground, plane bounced back on the other side, other wheel hit the ground, plane bounced back on the other side. Whilst going 400km/h (or how ever fast planes go, I dunno, pretty fast tho). It was probably more like 5 seconds but it felt like a lifetime until all the wheels were on the ground and they could actually start breaking. I felt like puking. It was the most horrible experience ever. When I wobbled off the plane it was 17.20 (15.20 uk), which incidentally was exactly 12 hours after I woke up. Then miles and miles of walking and queueing to the passport control later, I was out of arrivals at 18.00 (16.00 uk). Two hours on heathrow express/tube/train later I got to Rayleigh. On a positive note, I didn't have to go to work all day. Mind you, this might have been the only occation I would have preferred to...

I fell asleep at 21.30 (uk time as I was here now - 23.30 in finland, 18 hours after leaving) and slept like a log.

Labels: my life

It's awfully gray outside, but I'm feeling rather chirpy. It's wonderful what a bit of old fashioned catharsis can do for ya.

Now, for the packing problem of the day. BBC Weather is giving London 15 to 18 degrees Celsius throughout the week, which albeit nice, poses a dilemma. I'm thinking my autumn coat will be too hot, but going without a coat is always risky in London. You know, all the rain and stuff they tend to favor there can make the air really chilly pretty fast. Could it be that a girl needs two completely different wardrobes for different climates? Which would also solve all packing problems for some time to come. However, this of course would require surplus funds, which I don't have at the moment. Hmm. Truly a tricky situation.

Labels: my life

I can say anything just as long as I don't open my mouth.

Labels: my life

Wey hey, I've got a guest book. Now all I need is some guests...

There was this huge 'country fair' in Tikkurila yesterday and today. The whole center was cut off from traffic and there ware just loads of stands selling all sorts of stuff (mainly food), some bands playing music and even a funfair ride thing for kids. And people. So many people you couldn't move. Like at all. At some point, while moving at about 1 meter/hour speed, completely squeezed between masses of people, this old man started really painfully elbowing me in the back. I don't get it. Like him hurting me was going to make any sort of difference. Apart from pissing me off. Humph. Anyways, other than that incident it was rather a nice event. All I had to show for it in the end was some black sausage and a Chinese spring roll. And a bruised back.

This Sunday is always strange. I suddenly start looking forward to going to England, even though I've been dreading it for weeks. I suppose it's the brains attempt at keeping me sane. Here's hoping it succeeds.

Labels: my life

Well, it's another saturday night. Not that you'd notice the difference between a saturday night and any other night. *Poof*. When's life going to start? When will there be no more excuses for living. Excuses or just obstacles, makes no difference really. There's always something in the way of progress. Too young, too tired, too sick, too scared, too impassive, too soon, too late. Take your pick. The way things are going I'll be too fucking dead before I start living. That is, if I ever even find out how the whole thing works. How do people stay happy, focused, abitious, relaxed, compassionate, patient, loving, loved, creative, strong, achieving and moving forward? Anyone?

Also, why are my toes always freezing?

Labels: my life

Always stays the same, nothing ever changes,
English summer rain seems to last for ages.
Always stays the same, nothing ever changes,
English summer rain seems to last for ages.

I'm in the basement, you're in the sky,
I'm in the basement baby, drop on by.
I'm in the basement, you're in the sky,
I'm in the basement baby, drop on by.

Hold your breath and count to ten,
And fall apart and start again,
Hold your breath and count to ten,
Start again, start again...
Hold your breath and count your step,
And fall apart and start again,
Start again...

Always stays the same, nothing ever changes,
English summer rain seems to last for ages.
Always stays the same, nothing ever changes,
English summer rain seems to last for ages.

Placebo - English Summer Rain

Do you know that feeling when you've just come back from a trip, even just a short one, and you feel all disconnected from your routines and familiar surroundings? When it takes you a couple of days or even a week to get back to running your life normally. When you either want to prolong the holiday feeling by neglecting your diet for a few more days or not really concentrating on work properly. Or maybe just feel a bit depressed to be back and perhaps find it hard to get back to your social circles having missed the latest gossip. Well, imagine having that feeling *all the time*. There are times when I feel completely outside of it all. Outside of LIFE. Yeah, I have a wonderful job which allows me to travel monthly and to work from home most of the time. Unfortunately, it also means I never feel any sense of belonging. To anywhere. I don't spend enough time in one place to get any sort of routines going and I don't belong to any sort of 'work community' long enough to feel I have a social circle. I also find it extremely difficult to keep in touch with my friends. Most of the time I'm so 'out of the loop' that talking to my friends makes me feel even more excluded. Add on top of that the fact that as I spent half my time in another country (from either point of view), there's only few people who can really relate to what I call real life. Well, my life. Not so sure about the real part.
Oh yes indeed, today I'm mainly feeling sorry for myself.

I feel irritated. At myself mainly. For not being able to get a grasp of anything. I just float from week to week until it's time to change countries again. Then I feel momentarily alive. Having to force myself into an office routine is like a shock to the system. But pretty soon I start missing home, counting the hours, wondering what I'm doing away from my love. Then back at home, few days of tired euphoria, and it starts all over again. Over and over. Not really getting ahead. Not really connecting with anything.

Don't get me wrong. If I was asked to do things differently, I probably wouldn't. This is just one of those days. On the outside.

Labels: my life

Well, I've added some autumn pics. A bit annoyed though as they look crap online. For some reason there's this green overload, that I can't seem to shake from them. Oh well. Fed up with trying, so there they are, crap or not.

This day has been dire to say the least. I haven't managed to do anything productive, apart from some boring workstuff. Really feel it's time for me to go into hibernation.

Labels: my life