The main reason for something like this is the fact that I haven’t really consciously taken many personal picture in the past few years, and I really miss that. Finding the time is still a concern, which is why it’s looking like this is now turning into an iPhone project. I did have lofty ideas of taking ‘proper’ pictures (and who knows, I might surprise one day!), but after discovering the Photo 365 app, which sends my daily pictures straight to my 365 set on Flickr, it all just got so much easier. Besides, I always have my phone on me, so this way the probability of me completing this year’s project goes up pretty drastically.

I know these are not great art, and that’s not the point. The point is taking pictures just for the fun of it, for myself, not for a client. And who knows, maybe one or two iPhone masterpieces will sneak in at some stage. :D

I can’t quite believe January is already complete!

What I enjoyed most about the day was getting ready for the do with the lovely Emma.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Some, erm, gardening (kind of). Birmingham.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
For 2011 my resolutions were to ‘build on what ever success I achieved in 2010, but also work on getting the balance in my life right. To have more time for family and friends. To take better care of myself. And to properly ENJOY the ride.’

I think I achieved the first bit with bells on, the latter part, not so much, although it is a work in progress… So my resolutions for 2012 are to get closer to that balance thing, socialise more, get into better shape, and fingers crossed sleep more.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
The whole world most likely.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
Finland, Scotland, Malta, Italy (twice, woo!).

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
More sleep.

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
25th of July as had a lovely lovely birthday party.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Maybe winning the title of ‘Best Wedding Photographer, London and South East‘ in the 2012 Wedding Industry Awards.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not being able to balance work and life.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Still dealing with the consequences of previous year’s injury…

11. What was the best thing you bought?
iPad!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Susanna of course, and Stu goes without saying. Emma for keeping me sane and giggling, Steph for being my guardian fairy.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
No-one I’d like to publicly name and shame. But I am finding it quite hard to get over.

14. Where did most of your money go?
House stuff. It’s never ending.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to Italy, my birthday party, seeing Emma in a play.

16. What songs will always remind you of 2011?
Adele – Someone Like You.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter (sigh).
iii. richer or poorer? About the same.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Sleeping, socialising, relaxing, loving life, exercising. (No change from last year there!)

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Stressing, worrying and doing things for people who don’t appreciate it.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Christmas Eve at home with mum, Pauli and Stu. Boxing Day with Stu’s family.

21. How did you spend New Years?
At home making Bellinis with Sooz & Stu.

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
More and more with watching my couples in love.

23. How many one night stands?
0. (Imagine the year when this suddenly has a high number! :D)

24. What were your favourite TV programmes?
Californication, True Blood, Dexter.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hate is such a strong word. Disappointed for sure.

26. What was the best book you read?
Sarah Rayner – One Moment, One Morning.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
New to me more than new in general… Angus & Julia Stone.

28. What did you want and get?
iPad!

29. What did you want and not get?
Holiday somewhere warm. Kitchen & bathroom.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
True Grit.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I threw an actual party for my 35th! A lovely, lovely picnic in our garden filled with old and new friends. Loved it.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More sleep.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
I did start making more of an effort towards the latter part of the year. Dresses are back on the agenda.

34. What kept you sane?
Other lovely people in the industry.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Colin.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Riots in London made me so very angry.

37. Who did you miss?
Lots of people in Finland. Miikka and Johanna especially.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Emma & Pete, Steph, Ed… I can’t believe I only met these people this year, they are already such a huge and integral part of my life.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
You can’t please everyone.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I was a heavy heart to carry
My beloved was weighed down
My arms around his neck
My fingers laced to crown.

I was a heavy heart to carry
My feet dragged across ground
And he took me to the river
Where he slowly let me drown

My love has concrete feet
My love’s an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles
Over the waterfall

I’m so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms
I’m so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms

And is it worth the wait
All this killing time?
Are you strong enough to stand
Protecting both your heart and mine?

Who is the betrayer?
Who’s the killer in the crowd?
The one who creeps in corridors
And doesn’t make a sound

My love has concrete feet
My love’s an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles
Over the waterfall

My love has concrete feet
My love’s an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles
Over the waterfall

This will be my last confession
I love you never felt like any blessing
Whispering like it’s a secret
Only to condemn the one who hears it
With a heavy heart

Heavy heavy i’m so heavy in your arms
(i’m so) Heavy heavy i’m so heavy in your arms
(i’m so) Heavy heavy i’m so heavy in your arms
(i’m so) Heavy heavy i’m so heavy in your arms

I was a heavy heart to carry
my beloved was weighed down
My arms around his neck
My fingers laced to crown

I was a heavy heart to carry
But he never let me down
When he had me in his arms
My feet never touched the ground

I’m so heavy, heavy in your arms.
Florence + The Machine – Heavy in Your Arms

Cameras used: Holga, an Ikoflex TLR (operations of which the eBay seller described as ‘esoteric’, and he wasn’t far off!), Polaroid Spirit and of course my iPhone.

Enjoy!

24th of  September
St. Julians, Malta

Have you ever had one of those moments where you suddenly get struck by an intense feeling of happiness? A moment where you feel like ‘everything will be ok’. It can happen anywhere, any time, and the best ones usually come when you least expect them. One of the strongest memories I have of such a feeling washing over me is from a moment when, years and years ago, I was sitting on a rush hour bus of all places, agitated and eager to get home – and suddenly some little thought unlocked this rush of positive emotions and made everything look so much better. The feeling was so sudden and unexpected that it’s forever burned into my mind. More often than not these moments pass really quickly, which is why I call them ‘flashes of happiness’.

There are ways we seek to consciously access those same feelings, often it means living vicariously through watching a powerful movie, listening to moving music or perhaps going through old photographs and seeing pictures taken at a specific time in our life. One of the most powerful ways I know of to evoke that sense of pure awe and happiness is watching an incredible musician performing live. It’s absolutely astonishing how much power a charismatic performance can have over us, how it’s possible to feel internally altered after such an experience.

For some (unfair) reason, us humans tend to concentrate on looking either back or forward, and while we do that, we often miss a lot of the present. For most of us, it requires a powerful experience or switch in routine to tap into those feelings of being content right now. I think those ‘accidental’ flashes of happiness are about much more than we give them credit for, I think they are reminders of our potential to be fully present, to embrace our lives fully.

There is this scene in the movie ‘The Hours’, where Meryl Streep’s character is telling her daughter about one day in her youth.

Clarissa: ‘I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know, that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself: So, this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn’t the beginning. It WAS happiness. It was the moment. Right then.’

That scene and thought process have forever haunted me since the first time I saw the film. The simple realisation that we should appreciate what we have right now – not either wait for something to happen or trust it to last – but rather appreciate the ride for what it is and always be aware of our potential to feel deeply right then and there.

Hindsight is such a human infliction. So often we are either overly nostalgic, hankering after past and better times, or we are in waiting mode, hoping that we’ll get to experience those big important moments. Here’s a secret. Those BIG moments, those moments which up on a movie screen always seem so unobtainable and perfectly lit – in real life they are mostly always internal. You have to try hard to learn to listen to them, and grab a hold of them there and then – and most of all, try your hardest to communicate them to the people who mean something to you.

Writing this comes at a poignant time for me. I’ve just woken up in a gorgeous bed in a hotel room in Malta feeling happy. The sun is sneaking in from underneath the curtain and I can smell the sea. Later today I get to photograph a beautiful wedding on this beautiful island, and call that work. So this is definitely one of ‘those moments’, underlined. And one of the reasons I put pen to paper. However, getting here has come at a cost and a lot of sacrifice. Working pretty much 24/7 has opened my professional life in ways that I never dreamed possible. But while I lie here in my gorgeous Maltese bed, I can’t escape the fact that my other half is thousands of miles away, all alone.

What draws me into photographing couples is the fact that I love watching people remember how lucky they are, and I love being a mirror to their own big movie moments. Realising we have an ability to tap into that every day magic when ever we choose to properly listen to the moment, and reach out to connect with another person, is such a powerful thing. And as much as I love working with that magic with my couples, I think I need to realise more of it in my own life as well. While working so hard at trying to facilitate those magic moments for other people, I sometimes neglect the one person who should receive the best of me.

Generally it’s those special circumstances that make us realise moments of happiness – such as a wedding days where most of us let our guard down and allow ourselves to express our feelings and share something magical with our nearest and dearest. Or travelling to a beautiful place such as this, feeling lucky and stepping outside of the normal routine. And while these beautiful surroundings help me to tap into that magic and to these thoughts, the real challenge is trying to find that place within myself every rainy day in the office, every grey week full of routines, as often as possible.

After all, wouldn’t it be pretty amazing is you could feel that way about your life most of the time? Why do we allow ourselves to make memories only at special circumstances? Waking up next to the one you love and letting them know you’re there for them, or really listening to your mum instead of being ‘too busy’ with your life, reaching out to stranger and learning who they really are, these things could open up an opportunity to create one of those moments every day.

The cruel thing about life, and equally what makes it so precious, is this – the only thing you can be sure of is that you are alive now, right at this moment.

So what are you going to do to make this moment magical?