The rules:
* List 11 things you want to say to 11 different people.
* Don’t say who they pertain to.
* Feel free to comment, but don’t confirm or answer anything.
* Never discuss it again.
1) I’m glad you’re back in my life. You’re unique and you have a way with words which I enjoy. At your best you’re open and loving and show me how important it is to be direct with people. You show me new ways to look at the world. But you can also be very judgmental and act in a way that indicates that you’re in some ways ‘better’ than anyone, which sometimes makes me feel anxious. I admire your strength and attitude at the face of adversity and yet I wonder how a person as brilliant as you has made some of the decisions you have. I want to either to protect you or bask in your warm glow.
2) You are difficult and you get under my skin. I find it hard to be objective about anything you say because we have been through a lot and know each other too well. I hate the way I can see some of your more negative qualities in myself no matter how actively I fight against them. You can be at the same time one of the most narrow-minded and one of the most open-minded people I know, and this contradiction will forever confuse me. You can be the funniest and the most embarrassing person I know. I wouldn’t be anything without you and I wish I could express my love for you without any negative baggage clouding our communication.
3) You don’t make it easy for me to express myself to you. I’ve looked up to you for so long that I find it hard to relate to you as an adult. You’ve let me down so many times but I’ve come to accept that you are just human. I love your sense of humor but I don’t like the way you undermine people sometimes. You have a gentle way about you which I’ve always loved, but you can also be judgmental. Actually, you’re probably the person who has made me weary of people with strong beliefs. You didn’t handle explaining the 100% change of your belief system to me, when I was young and confused, very well. I hate the way you make me feel guilty for not being in touch more, when you could sometimes be the active party in our relationship. I hope you know how much I love you.
4) I wish we saw each other more often. I love the way you’re embracing your current life situation and I am very happy for you. And also jealous of your seemingly perfect world. I think jealousy has always been a slight undercurrent in our relationship and ever since we were young we’ve felt jealous about some of the things or qualities the other one possesses, even though this has never been expressed on a conscious level. You mean the world to me and I hope you will always be a part of my life.
5) I wish you didn’t make life so difficult for yourself. You are a brilliant, intelligent, funny and sensitive person, but it seems like you’re looking at yourself through a skewed mirror. I hope you could relax into the wonderful person that you are instead of constantly trying be something else. You’ve shown me that some things are worth fighting for and that people can actively better themselves. You are full of surprises – both gloriously positive and fiercely negative – but all the same, you make life interesting. Sometimes you break my heart but I will always love you.
6) I’d like to have a good relationship with you but sometimes you make it so difficult. You are so egocentric (even more so than I!) that it can feel like you’re sucking the life out of around yourself. You’re very needy and yet you don’t give people much space. You make bold decisions which I admire, but I wish you could stand behind them more proudly. I don’t know why I always get the feeling that you’re jealous of me somehow, even though there’s no reason to be. You are beautiful and strong. I hope we could have a nice, relaxed friendship.
7) You are my rock. We couldn’t be more different, yet you are always the one constant in my life. I can always count on you and I know you’d do pretty much anything in your power for me (on a good day), and I assure you I would do the same for you. Our opinions are often opposite and yet we can see eye to eye. I think you are one of the rare people who see that me being controlling or demanding is my fucked up way of acknowledging people who are very close to me. So it’s actually an honor to be bullied by me! :P I will always love you (like a brother).
8) I am so grateful that you came into my life. I’ve never before had a relationship that was so equal and rewarding. I think we both intuitively give and receive the same amount. This is probably how friendships should always be but I’ve never experienced it on this level before. There’s always either guilt or someone trying too hard or giving too little. At least I hope you experience it the same way, and that you don’t feel like I’m too demanding. I love the way I can be myself with you and not have to worry about you judging me. You make me laugh and bring such positive energy to my life. I am surprised at how fast you have become one the most important people in my life.
9) You confuse me. I’m glad I got to know you because you are unlike anyone else I know. Your views fascinate me and often perplex me. You are quite difficult to get a handle on, sometimes you’re hot and sometimes you’re cold. Sometimes you intimidate me and sometimes you annoy me. Sometimes the way your head works drains my energy. There’s no doubt about it though, you definitely enrich my life and I’m very happy to know you.
10) We’ve had a lot of fresh starts and I’ve always felt excited about each of them. I hope this time around it lasts without anything between us going sour. I think now we’re old enough to savor the good aspects of our friendship and not let the negatives become too big obstacles. We’ve both always been quite strong characters and I’ve often been the one that who finds themselves bending. I don’t see this changing anytime soon, but I think I’m more comfortable with that fact this time around. We feed off of each others creativity and ambition and I hope we can achieve great things together.
11) You two have been there when I grew into the person I am now. Even though we’ve drifted apart I will always consider you my best friends. It makes me sad that all we have in common now is our past, but I’m positive that there will once again be a cycle that will bring us closer together. It requires a change of dynamics somewhere down the line though. As long as our relationships bring negativity to my life I will stay distant. I love seeing you in small doses and you will always have a place in my heart.
