Another miserable rainy day. What happened to the summer….
Feeling a bit angsty at work again. Really really don't want to be here. Why is it so hard to maintain that more manageable, if fragile, feeling of vague contentment. Some days are truly ok. I think those are the days when I'm busiest, that's when there's no time to think about anything and days slip by more easily. But on a slow day, on a slow grey day like today, all this feels like a massive waste of hours in my life. No-one seems to be in a particularly good mood today. Even the usually up-beat Steve is looking sombre and is visibly struggling with trying to sound cheery on the phone to the endless barrage of advertisers at the other end of his forever-ringing phone. I don't fancy his job much either…
I'm constantly keeping an eye out for something better. But what is something better? Is there such a thing? Won't it just be the same thing but in different surroundings? Are there really people out there who love their jobs and don't do it just in order to pay the rent? If there are, I would hazard a guess that at least 80% of those are working for themselves. But where do you get the courage and determination to go it alone, when at the same time you're trying to save for a deposit on a house or are wondering how you could live without the safety net of a monthly paycheck, pension policy and the possibility of paid maternity leave? It's really hard to overcome that primal need for safety. And yet, the happiest people in life seem to be the risk-takers. Figure that one out then…
Oh yay but Riina is coming over tonight. She's in London for the opening of her exhibition, and needed a place to crash. Seems like ages since I've seen her last, can't wait! Oh look, even the sun winked from behind the cloud at that! 😀
I’d say that there’s some truth on both camps. Going solo is a very windy yet exiting place. All is up to you, and I say all. On the other hand, we can love our jobs and yet feel a bit dulled at times. That’s why it’s called work, huh. Keeping the door a little crack open never hurt anyone, even if just for a little relaxing possibility/mental game.
Your thoughts are exactly what I have every now and then, and I think, like S said, it’s perfectly normal to get tired and bored with your work at times. I’m a teacher and feel utterly tired at the end of the terms; that’s the time when I’d be happy to send most of my pupils, colleagues and paperwork to the moon! (The normal situation is that I like the two first-mentioned and we’d all be happy to send our principal to the moon)
Joo ei ole helppoa ottaa sitä askelta oman yrityksen suuntaan. Sitä tässä oon itekkin harkinnut, mutta toimeentulon epävarmuus pelottaa. Ehkä joku kaunis päivä 🙂
S: It is and it isn’t… there’s always other people to consider. What an indulgence it would be to live without any commitments or loyalties… probably very lonely too though. I know work is work… but I also have experience of different, more flexible ways of getting to the same goal, I suppose that’s why it feels like a prison at the moment. Somewhere I took a funny turn and I just have to find my way back to the road.
Kutri: Ah but at least you have the freedom of long summer holidays! 😀 (I bet teachers get told that all the time. :P)
Hanna: Sepä se… se on kovin vaikeaa taistella tollasia perusviettejä, kuten turvallisuuden takaaminen, vastaan.